Requiem for Common Sense

Common Sense is DEAD MEAT - As the question-mark ending of a song titled "19 Miles To Baghdad" by Lizzy West goes... "...what have we.... become?"

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Monday, July 17, 2006

Requiem For Common Sense - Ironic Comedy

Requiem for an Old Friend (common sense)
Posted by: WebPastor David Todeschini
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America, mourns the loss of an old friend, who passed away long ago. We post this tribute from time to time so that his name will not be forgotten. His given name was Callosum Quotidian, but he is more commonly known as "Common Sense".

Common Sense had diligently devoted his life to the service of the public good. His work was noteworthy in schools, homes, and places of employment and in American communities all across the country. He helped people get their jobs done without corporate greed, or egotistical posturing and undue foolishness. For over a century and a half, Common Sense prevailed over red tape, government bureaucracies, petty rules that served no practical purpose, frivolous lawsuits, and ludicrous court decisions. Common Sense had power over the "trier of fact", and over injustice as a whole.

Common Sense was credited with cultivating the knowledge of when to come in from out of the rain. He explained why punctuality and eagerness prevailed over tardiness and sloth; and why this life doesn't always deliver on unrealistic expectations. Common Sense preached that it was unwise to live beyond your means, or to spend money that you don't actually have. He lived by the adage that adults are in charge of the children, and that one is better off to listen and learn, than to speak profusely and make a fool of oneself. Common Sense taught that it was not a disgrace to lose a race, but that the real pity was not having the ambition to run it. He taught the Great American Work Ethic. He taught the love of God and Country, and respect for all life - especially the helpless life of an unborn child.

Common Sense was a veteran of the Great Depression and the Technological Revolution. Common sense survived "Eubonics as a Second Language", "See-Say", "Whole Language", "New Math", and Columbine High School's "Death Education" classes.

Common Sense's health began to decline with the advent of the opportunistic infections of "I'm OK, You're OK", and "I'm a Product of The Environment" viruses, and the malignancy of "If it Feels Good, Do It". He watched as people became victims of ambulance-chasing lawyers, and children became the unwitting guinea pigs of the National Education Administration’s ubiquitous Hick-Farmer Sigmund Freud Wannabes.

Common Sense's health continued to deteriorate when schools implemented programs that diagnosed over 9 million youthfully exuberant, and bright children with "Attention Deficit / Hyperactivity Disorder", a condition which does not actually exist, and then began to "treat" this non-existent, totally contrived disease by prescribing highly dangerous psychotropic medications to those children. When some parents objected, the APA and the NEA, working covertly, behind the scenes, were able to convince a court in New York to rule that a boy MUST be given his "ADD" medication, or the child would be removed from the home by the Nazi - SS troopers - aka Child Protective Services[1]. Common Sense then became extremely nauseous, and was completely out of sorts for several weeks.

Reports of a six year-old boy who was charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate, sent Common Sense's blood pressure through the ceiling. The sphygmomanometer's mercury threatened to burst through the top of the tube.

The firing of a teacher for reprimanding an unruly student, aggravated Common Sense's arthritis to the point where he was bedridden indefinitely.

His condition worsened when it was ruled that schools had to get parental permission to administer an aspirin, but the same student could be given mind-altering drugs against parental consent. Also, the teachers could not smack a student across the buttocks for unruly behavior in the classroom, but could refer that same student to an abortion clinic to have her unborn baby murdered at State expense, without the parents ever knowing about it.

The fatal turn of events that marked the decline of health to which Common Sense would eventually succumb, was when criminals were treated better than their victims, and the Ten Commandments were banned from the Public Schools while the Evolutionist Pagan Religion took its place in the science textbooks. Of course, the allegations that Catholic priests molested young boys didn't help Common Sense's cholesterol levels any. Neither did the jury who awarded millions of dollars to a woman who was too damn stupid to realize that a steaming hot cup of coffee was indeed, hot.

When the President of the United States sold National-Security-related technology to a hostile nation, Common Sense fell into a coma.

As the end neared, Common Sense drifted in and out of consciousness, and when he was able to communicate, he was kept abreast of new developments, such as partial birth abortion, Mind Control, and the De-Novo science of Drug Hypnosis practiced by social workers and psychologists in almost every school in the country.

Finally, when another President, George W. Bush, who claimed to be able to protect the United States from terrorist acts, acted to aid and abet porous border policies and lenient immigration laws, and sent $43 Million to the Taliban 6 months prior to 9-11, Common Sense could no longer endure. Having lost the will to live, he died of a sudden, massive heart attack.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Justice, his much-enamored wife, Love, his daughter, Responsibility, and his sons, Diligence and Reason. He is survived by three stepbrothers, Deception, Greed, and Ignorance. Not many attended his funeral, either because they didn't realize he was gone, or they were distant relatives of a long-lost cousin, Apathy.


Provided as a public service by:

The Ministry of WebPastor David J. Todeschini at
[1] Story of Kyle Carroll, Buffalo, New York News, 11-10-2000, Id at A-12